Titanic Gundam
by gundamgirl88
Summary: Hehe, more torure, I mean fun, with the gundam gang!
1. Default Chapter Title

Okay, Mix a bored girl, a computer, old gundam tapes and the movie Titanic?

Titanic Gundam

Me: In shadows Hehe (evil laughing) They're here.

The Gundam co. all come to the stage from all different directions.

All ask at once: Er, hi guys!

Silence as they look at each other, then

All together: What are you doing here?

Silence again

Duo: You guys didn't happen to get an anonymous e-mail… did you?

Collective nods 

Relena: It said to meet here… but who or what are we supposed to meet?

Me: from shadows Funny you should ask that, Relena…

All of the gundam pilots whip out guns. Duo screams and jumps into Hilde's arms

Hilde: (sarcastically) The god of death, ladies and gentlemen!

Duo: Oh yeah, right, I forgot…

sweatdrops

Quatre: ANYWAY… we need to focus on the task at hand. 

Duo: Right! Come out! Whoever you are! But if you're a murderer give me five minutes to run away, ok?

Me: Whatever. Well, I'm sure you're all wondering why you're here, am I right?

Collective nods

Me: You're all here… come's out of shadows to be part of my play!

Collective facefaults

Heero:getting up Now, wait a minute. Who said we would ever be in this play of yours?

Me: I did, of course.

Heero: We don't have to. focuses gun on Me

Me: (laughs sinisterly. Opens one eye and sees that he is serious) Oh, puh-lease. Haven't you learned your lessons by now from the all the other fics you guys have been in? turns gun into a vacuum cleaner

Heero: looks from vacuum cleaner, to author, to vacuum cleaner, to author Okay, I get your point.

Me: Good. Now, let's start by passing out scripts and giving out parts.

Quatre: Wait, what play are we doing exactly?

Me: Titanic!

Noin: Whoa, whoa, whoa. There is no way you are getting me to go on some stupid boat and then have it sink only to die!

Me: Who said you were going to die? torturemaybe… But No! I won't actually KILL you… looks around room. Sees everyone's disbelieving looks. Smiles sweetly

Treize: I don't know. I don't like that look she's giving us. I say we all leave now.

Me: (scoffs) Go ahead and try.

Wufei: I'll go. Seeing how weak the rest of you are. (no one tries to stop him)

Wufei starts walking back the way he came. A loud ZAP is heard and he falls to the ground, charred

Me: Crispy Critters!

collective facefaults

Me: sees everyone on ground, takes out pepper spray Any more objections?

All together: No.

Me: GOOD! Now take your scripts and find your part on the sheet.

Collective gathering by sheet

Rose- Relena

Jack- Heero

Cal- Trieze

Ruth (Rose's Mom)- Dorothy

Ebritzio (Jack's friend)- Duo

Molly Brown- Sally

Captain- Lady Une

Mr. Murcock- Noin

Slave driver- Hilde

Mr. Andrews (architect)- Trowa

Mr. Ismay- Wufei

Tommy Ryan- Quatre

Mr. Lovejoy (Cal's spy person)- Milliardo

Er, and Catherine, you can help out back stage.

Catherine: Okay.

Heero +Relena: sweatdrop

Wufei: WHAT?!!! That small of a part! I deserve much better than that.

Quatre: I don't really know who that is, but oh well.

Trieze: I like Roses.

Hilde: SLAVE DRIVER?!

Duo: Well, you kinda fit the part…

Duo is stopped short by an oversized hairdryer courtesy of Spaceballs: The movie

Trowa: …

Me: Well, I hope that you are all HAPPY (looks around the room and glares) with your parts. We start tomorrow.


	2. Default Chapter Title

Hehehe… Well, It's time for more torture, I mean fun, with the gundam gang!

****

Titanic Gundam: Part 2

Me walks in through the force field to find half of the gang as crispy critters

Me: I told you not to try and get away, but no, you just HAD to try and escape my wrath!

All look at her, slowly waking up

Me: Anyway, lets get right to it. I hope that you all looked over your scripts last night? (takes out pepper spray)

All look at her warily then begin to inch away

Me: Whatever. I almost expected it anyway. Lets just get on with it then.

Collective sighs of relief

Quatre: Wait, who's the old lady?

Rest: What old lady?

Quatre: You know the old lady from the first part of the movie? (looks around to see the odd glances he's getting) What?

Dorothy: He watches that movie A LOT.

Rest: Ohhh…

Me: Agh! Can we just get on with it already?! Now, we are going to SKIP that part because god knows that's boring.

Quatre: But that's my favorite part!

Dorothy: He stopps watching it after that. He gets too scared.

Rest: Ohhh…

Me: GREAT! Now, please, places?!

Hilde: Wait, what about costumes?

Me: Oh, yeah, I forgot. Er, here you go.

Costumes materialize on people. Think Sailor Moon

Duo: That felt funny.

Me: Wonderful. Now, Action!

Relena: car door opens, Treize sticks his hand inside then yelps in pain and takes his hand out. Get your hand away from me!

Me: What a wonderful opening line, Relena.

Relena: Oh yeah, right. Well, um, okay, sorry er, Cal. Wait, I have to ask, what kind of a name is Cal? 

Me: What kind of a name is Relena?

Relena: Point made.

Dorothy: What about me?!

Relena: What about you?

Noin: I'm STILL in the car you know!

Treize: Oh, yeah, right.

Me: Oy veh…

scene change to inside bar. Heero, Duo, Catherine (in men's clothing) and Hilde (also in men's clothing) are sitting around it playing Go Fish.

Hilde: Iay antcay elievbay ouyay etbay uroay icketstay! (pig latin)

Catherine: eilievbay tiay.

Heero: Got any two's?

Catherine: arnday!

Jack: YES! I WIN! WE'RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!

Me: AMERICA! You're going to America!

Heero: Oh yeah… Wait, are you SURE we can't go to Disneyland?

Me: YES! NOW CONTINUE!

Duo: geez, what got her goat?

Me: I have a goat?

Trowa: You have a goat?

Me: I have a goat?

Quatre: You have a goat?

Me: WHO GOT MY GOAT?!

Duo: blink, blink

Heero: blink, blink

Me: Heh, heh, er, can we continue from where we left off?

Jack and Elibizo(or whatever his name was) run onto boat, wave and stuff.

scene change to Cal and Rose in room unloading paintings

Relena: I painted this one my self!

takes out hand crayoned picture of small island

Trieze: Wait, aren't they supposed to be PICASSO paintings?

Cast looks over to Me.

Me: (shrugs) We were on a budget?

Collective sweatdrop

Quatre: I drew the next one!

Takes out picture of Pink ponies running in a field

Duo: Mines next!

Takes out collage of bra adds cut out from newspaper

Duo: Hey, if you don't need it, can I have it back?

Collective sweatdrops

Me: No Duo! Someone burn that before some of the children see it!

Heero: My, over protective are we?

Me: DID YOU SAY SOMETHING HEERO? (takes out pepper spray)

Heero: Er, no?

Me: Good! Now lets continue, shall we?

scene changes to Elbanzo and Jack at front of ship

Heero: I'm the King of the world!!

Treize: (pops out of literally no where) No, I am.

Milliardo: And I am king of the Canq kingdom.

Me: You guys, it's a play.

Treize: Fine, but I think he should learn his place. (Walks over to where Heero is, knocks him off boat and jumps to his recent position)

Treize: Now I'M the king of the world!!

Me: I wonder if James Cameron ever had to go through what I'm going through?

Milliardo: (pushes Treize off boat as well, jumps up to position) Now I'M the King of the world!!

Relena: (knocks him down off boat) Now **I'M** the Queen of the world!!!

Me: I am going to bed. See you in the morning.

Sounds fade as Me walks off stage:

Noin: Now I'm the Queen of the world!!!!

Dorothy: No way! It's my turn to be the Queen of the world!


	3. Default Chapter Title

Hey Minna! Oh, if anyone of you people out there are wondering who the heck this minna person is, I'll tell you. I was confused at first. Minna is Japanese for everyone. Like, as in you plural. Get it? Think back… insert dream sequence here j/k. But you get it now? Get it? Got it? Good. Teehee. Welsh, here's the next part. Hey, I was board and had an hour.

Titanic Gundam:3

Me walk in casually, notice that no one is around and there is no crispy critters

Me: Er…guys??

suddenly, our poor, poor authoress is ambushed by a LOT of angry characters

Me: Uh-oh

they are all carrying weapons

Me: Are you guys forgetting who I am?

All: ?_?

Me: Observe

All of the weapons turn to bacon strips

Dorothy: I TOLD you it wouldn't work!

Trowa: Hey, don't look at me, it was Heero's idea.

Heero: …starts bailing Mission….f..fail…bursts into endless wailing

sweatdrop

Me: Anyway… Time to start! Places!

grumbling is heard as everyone drags themselves to the stage

Me: I SAID I WANTED IT TO BE FAST!

Quatre: No you didn't.

Me: What? I didn't? Oh well, I'll say it now, FASTER!

death glares are sent at Quatre

Quatre: What, it wasn't SUCH a big deal, now was it?

grumble, grumble, grumble

scene opens to bunch of people having lunch

Rose(Relena)pulls out a lollypop

Treize: I told you to lay off those!

Relena: But…but…they're so good, that was a toot…tootsi…tootsie roll!wailing

Wufei: Trust a WOMAN to get addicted to a trivial thing like that.

Relena: jumps onto table WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Wufei: I SAID….just a second….whips out script, looks through pages Ah, here we are. Eh hem. Just a second, I need a moment to get back into character. breathes deeply Trust a woman to get addicted to a trivial thing like that.

Me: Are you done now?

Wufei: humph, you can't rush genius.

Me: groans continue

Relena: You pig-headed male chauvinist!

Dorothy:also jumps onto table You yellow bellied sap sucker in June!

Relena: What? looks over to Me, who is off of chair staring at a cowering Wufei and rubbing her hands greedily

Me: Why did you stop? This is the best part?!

Relena: sweatdrop Whatever. Er…oh yeah! I'm leaving! I don't have to take this kind of abuse!

Wufei: breathes deeply I need a moment of silence, please. breathes deeply while making a dramatic pose

Me: Oy vey.

Wufei: with eyes closed To be….or not to be… ThatWHAM!

Me: grins innocently, stuffs beanie baby behind back heh…heh…

Quatre: runs over to Me from literally no where BEANIE BABY!!!!!!! BEANIE BABY!!!!!!

All: Oh no… run for cover…

Me: realizes mistake Ack! No Quatre, it's not a beanie baby, I swear it! It's a…a …fake look a like! Yeah!

Quatre: I don't care, it's still cute! grabs beanie baby out of hand Isn't it just the cutest little thing that you ever did see? Yes it is! continues to make cooing and talks baby to the beanie baby while stroking it And now your all mine…

Me: CONTINUE!

Relena runs to railing of "ship" about to jump off

Relena: looks doubtful Er… are you sure about this?

Me: Yeah, sure, no big deal, besides you won't fall, won't she Heero?

Heero: I am making no garuntee's

Relena: Okay, now I'm scared.

Me: Don't worry about it!

Relena: Oh, ok.

Heero starts to strip

Dorothy is lost and accidentally wonders onstage

Dorothy: ACK! NO I'VE BEEN BLINDED! SCARRED FOR LIFE!falls into a heap on the floor

Me: HEERO! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO TAKE ALL YOUR CLOTHES OFF!

Heero: Huh? Oops, sorry Dorothy. puts back on pants and shirt grins evilly cause he didn't like Dorothy

Relena: Er… could somebody HELP ME HERE?! I'M KINDA FALLING OFF THE EDGE!

Heero: Oh yeah, sorry Relena. Grabs her hand

Relena: Never let go Heero, never let go.

Me: NOT YOUR LINE! NOT NOW!

Relena: Huh? Oh yeah. Heh…heh… just pull me up Heero.

Heero: accidentally lets go oops? Heh…heh… edges away from railing.

Relena: AHHHHH!! OOF!

Heero: Relena?

Relena: (to self)YES! I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVE! Wait a minute, this is only a 2-foot drop! Isn't there supposed to be water here or something?

all look over at Me, who smiles innocently

Me: heh…heh…Budget?

sweatdrop

Me: Oh no! My hour is up! It took me that long to get only THAT much written. Oh well, see ya guys later! disappears

All: ?_?

Welsh, that's all for now. See ya! 

Gundamgirl88


	4. Default Chapter Title

Hi again! My, I'm bored! And I DEFINITELY don't feel like doing homework right now. Gosh, history, English, Math, Science, Business, AGH! NOT FAIR! Okay, I'm over it. Now I think I'll waste precious studying time and write a nonesense, pointless, not-even-funny fic! Enjoy!

AN IMPORTANT NOTE: If anyone is disturbed by jack cavorkian, I would suggest you didn't read this. Well, actually, it's not really that big of a deal. I just mention him.

Disclaimer: RUN! I HAVE STRING CONFETTI! Ha, teach you to try and sue me!

****

Titanic Gundam part er…whatever's next:

Me hammers sign outside of porthole

Me walks in through porthole

Me: Hey guys! I brought someone with me today!

All: groan

Reader: groan

Me: What?! Come on out ali!

Alioop108 comes out through porthole

108(for short): Hey guys! Wow, this is my second appearance in a fic! My first was in Baby's Alioop108 and New Chances…what a mix! Yeah, I know, Autographs later, please!

no one is looking at her, they are ignoring her

108: er…okay! Anyway…what WERE you doing out there Me?

Me: Go and see for yourself…

108 goes outside and returns sweatdropping

All: What?

108: It says "Danger: Rabid Animals in Area"

Me: I HAD TO WARN THE PEOPLE!

sweatdrop

Heero is sitting at one end of "room" and Duo is sitting at the other end

Duo: from side of room (LOUD SIGH)

108: Duo, is there something wrong?

Duo: looks at 108 before breaking out into racking sobs

108: ?_?

Duo: (between sobs) Heero… Heero left me!

108: this is a yaoi fic?

Me: NO! I don't write that stuff!

108: geez, don't get your panties in a bunch! (turns to Duo) How did Heero leave you?

Duo: He got a new best friend!

108: Oh… Who's his new best friend?

Duo: Jack Kavorkian (is that spelled right?)

108: Er… I guess I can see that happening…

Duo: (starts to cry again)

Me: HAS EVERYONE FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE FIC?!?!?!

All: NO!

Wufei: What a weak best friend! I have a much better one! He's even a prince!

Sally: Oh no, here we go with _Vegeta_ again…

Wufei: Did you say something woman?! I resent that! Don't make me get out my kantana!

Sally: What Kantana? Oh you mean _this_ Kantana? (whips out kanatna)

Wufei: NOOOOO!!!

everyone crowds around 108

Me: HEY, WHAT ABOUT ME?!?!?!

108: I feel so loved!… I think…

Catherine: er…108? Do you think you could er… GET US OUT OF HERE?!?!!?

108: I don't think so Catherine, I only have my simple reviewing powers in here, no authoress power. Sorry. Wait, why do you want to get out of here so badly anyway?

all points over to corner where Quatre is having a tea party with about 1, 782 beanie babies

108: Ohh…

Wufei: WEAKLING REVIEWER! I can't believe your stupid _po~wer_ can't get us out of here!

Me: HEY! HAS EVERYONE WHO IS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT HERE?!

108: Hey, you're writing this fic.

Me: Oh yeah…just a second.

everyone crowds around Me

Me: I'VE GOT THE POWER!

108: Where have I heard that before?…

Me: ANYWAY! ON WITH THE FIC!

everyone crawls over to the set

Me and 108 sit in comfortable Lazy Boy chairs

108: Ahh… NO! THERE IS NO BUTT GROOVE!

Me: (snaps fingers) Happy?

108: Ah… I'm in heaven. NOW DANCE PUPPETS! AMUSE YOUR MASTER! (AN tell me if this is your quote. I found it somewhere and thought it was funny)

Me: She's rubbing off on me! Now, lets try a hm… a SLAVE DRIVER SCENE! I HAVEN'T SEEN HILDE ACT SO FAR!

108: AHHH! You don't have to yell! I'm RIGHT HERE!

Me: Oh yeah, heh…heh…sorry. NOW ACT!

Hilde is covered in mud and comes out on stage carrying a whip. Trowa, Quatre (and 40 beanie baby maguanacs) and Duo are crouched in a sand box shoveling sand into a whole

Me: Why is Duo there? He isn't supposed to be in this scene…

Hilde: hehe…punishment…hehe

Me: Not even going to ask…

108: There are beanie baby MAGUANACS?

Me: They make them for EVERYTHING don't they?

108: I sold all my beanie baby's to my brother and got 50 bucks! Hehe…sucker…

Me: How many did you have to sell?

108: 2

Me: Good deal.

Hilde is mercilessly whipping Duo

Duo: Meow…fistey aren't we?

Hilde: (giggles) (stops whipping duo)

Duo: Works every time. No one can resist the Duo charm!

108: (whispers) it's the cologne.

Me: I think you're right, He was wearing it last week too. Now, on with the script!

nothing happens

Me: er…what was next again?

reader blinks

Me: er…just a second…

reader blinks again

Me: (getting VERY uncomfortable) uh…what happens next?

Me goes down stairs and watches tape

Me: (from down stairs) OH YEAH!

Me runs upstairs and enters fic

Me: Got it!

All: No kidding!

Me: ANYWAY, HEERO, RELENA! GET YOUR BUTTS OUT HERE!

Heero and Relena: What?!

Me: DRAWING SCENE!

H+R: Huh?

Me: DID YOU READ THE SCRIPTS?!?!?!

H+R: uh...no…

Me: Amateurs, I am working with amateurs.

Wufei: WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN AMATEUR?! I AM NOT AN AMATEUR!

Me: oh kivalt (Hey thanks whoever told me that one!)

H+R are out on deck, H is holding booky thingy

Relena: What did you draw Jack?

Heero: Nothing.

Relena: Aw, come on Jack, you can show me…

Heero: No, I can't. I didn't draw anything.

Relena: Oh. Well, can I see the book anyway?

Heero: It's your country.

Me: NOT NOW HEERO! YOU SAID THAT IN THE SERIES!

Heero: I did? Oh yeah…

Relena: has opened book AHHHHH!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS IN HERE HEERO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Laughing is heard

Heero: wha? takes book, opens it to see Duo's bra add clipping collage MAXWELL!!!!! YOUR ASS IS MINE!!!

Duo: stops laughing and starts running EEP!!

Relena:…

108: well, all in all, that went pretty well…

Duo: runs on stage, followed by Heero ACK! HEERO, PUT THOSE SEASONED CRISS CUT FRENCH FRIES DOWN!!

Heero: NEVER!!

Duo: AHHHHHH!!!!

Heero: insert Russian war cry here

108: okay, so not ENTIRELY well…

Quatre: crying I lost my…my…my… Bouncy!!!!!

Me: Do I even want to know?

Dorothy: Beanie Baby number 462.

All: Ohh…

108: er… I'm leaving.

Me: HEY WAIT UP! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME IN HERE!

108: er… I'll be back tomorrow!

Me: HEY! I SAID WAIT! ACK! GET AWAY FROM ME!

108 leaves porthole, followed after by Me

108 and Me: whew…

108: those things really ARE rabid animals…

Me: You're telling me…

Fin…for now.

I don't really know whether or not I'll continue. Maybe when I get bored again. And I want to start my other fic!!! Hey, wait a minute, what's stopping me again? Nothing? Oh yeah! Ok, I'll get it out this weekend! Yay!


End file.
